


Closure

by akirerae (rerae)



Category: Code Geass
Genre: And this isn't too shippy i apologize, Another night before the Zero Requiem fic only shorter, Gen, M/M, idk if this is angsty enough my expertise lies with fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 20:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16182152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rerae/pseuds/akirerae
Summary: It's foolish, to dwell on the past, to relive memories that provoke no sense of fondness, but they do so anyway.





	Closure

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick something to test out writing these tragic fools. Which also happens to be my knee jerk reaction to: "why does almost every fic have smut?" Oops. 
> 
> (And my memory with the anime is v foggy so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong with anything or everything.)

It's foolish, to dwell on the past, to relive memories that provoke no sense of fondness, but Lelouch does anyway. He thinks of Japan. He thinks of the lush, green foliage and the picturesque blue sky. Those steps that were far too many in number. The pebbles that crunched beneath his feet.  
  
Beneath his cheek.  
  
The instigator of this trip down memory lane is out there, right behind that door, probably wondering if he should truly act upon his impulses. If he should take the chance to quell the questions that still burn inside of him.  
  
Lelouch decides to make that decision for him.  
  
"Come in."  
  
After a moment's pause, the door slides open and, sure enough, there stands his first and last friend.  
  
By the state of his clothes, and the helmet of Zero still tucked under his arm, it seems like he came here immediately after their previous engagement. His friend glances off to one side and gnaws at his bottom lip, as if unsure of what to say.  
  
So typical of him.  
  
"I'm assuming that you're here for closure?"  
  
Suzaku shoulders twitch at the sound of Lelouch's voice before he jerkily nods head.

  
What a silly sentiment. One would think that they would be beyond such things by now. That the lies held no meaning in light of the bigger picture, the Zero Requiem. But, perhaps, part of his friend's idealistic self still remains...  
  
Lelouch expects Suzaku to speak up then, but instead he receives more silence, more hesitancy. When his friend still doesn't speak after a good minute, Lelouch sighs and pats the vacant space next to him.  
  
"Here, sit."  
  
There's another robotic jerk of the head, but Suzaku finally says something. "No, I'm fine with standing, thank you." Almost as an afterthought, he salutes him and adds, "Your Majesty."  
  
The rejection stings, but Lelouch chooses to ignore it.  
  
“My offer still stands. You're not here for official business that much is certain, so you're free to drop the formalities. In this room, you are not my knight and I am not your emperor."  
  
For once, Suzaku's expression is unreadable. "No, we're just two messed up teenagers who went too far."  
  
Lelouch indulges him with a sardonic smile. "That we are." He crosses his legs and rests his chin on his hand. "So, what would you like to know?"  
  
He watches his friend gathers his composure and meets his gaze when Suzaku decides to look at him dead on.  
  
"Shirley. It wasn't suicide, was it? Who or what killed her?"  
  
Lelouch sucks in a breath as, once again, he's reminded of that day. Of course Suzaku would start off with something like this.  
  
"I thought for all intents and purposes, I was the one who did it."  
  
Suzaku smiles wryly at him. "Give me some credit, Lelouch. Sure, it took me awhile, but I know all this-" His gaze flicks down to Lelouch's attire. "-is nothing but an elaborate act in the grand scheme of things."  
  
Lelouch cocks a brow at that. "Oh really? Do you now."  
  
Suzaku lowers his gaze to the floor. "For the most part, yes. No matter how much you've changed, the Lelouch I know would never kill a friend in cold blood."  
  
Against his own volition, the events of that night flash through his mind. The blood, her declaration... his geass failing him for a second time.  
  
Lelouch takes a moment to rub at his eyes before replying, "It wasn't suicide. She was murdered. Her killer is long gone now."  
  
"I see..."  
  
He expects Suzaku to ask more, to speak of the other elephants in the room, but the knight remains silent. With a resigned sigh, Lelouch decides to address them himself.  
  
"With what happened to Euphy. It was a mistake."  
  
Lelouch watches as Suzaku's jaw clenches and, in that moment, he can't help but wonder the extent of how much his sister meant to him.  
  
"Of course it was. I leave her with you for ten minutes, and you used your geass on her. She _trusted_ you." Suzaku clenches his hands into fists. "But then you made her do the last thing she ever wanted to do."  
  
"I know. And whether you believe me or not, what happened then was never my intention. I originally planned on joining her."  
  
Suzaku's head shoots up and Lelouch is all too aware of the eyes that bear into him. "You did? But if that was the case, why-?"  
  
"The geass." With another resigned sigh, Lelouch reaches up and touches the corner of his eye. "At the time, I had lost control of it. I wasn't thinking straight and I said something I shouldn't have." He squeezes his eyes shut. "Suzaku, I didn't mean for that to happen."  
  
"...I know." Lelouch glances up in time to see his friend's head bowed and his shoulders slump forward. "I know that now. I- I just."  
  
Suzaku decides to look up then, his eyes imploring and far too glossy under the harsh lights of the room. "Why didn't you tell me from the start?"  
  
Lelouch can't help but bark out a laugh. "Would you have listened?"  
  
A smile that's more like a grimace twists at his friend's lips. "No, probably not. I mean, it took us a while to even reach this point."  
  
Lelouch returns the smile with one of his own. "'Awhile' is a bit of an understatement."  
  
"It is, isn't it?"  
  
Silence falls between them not soon after. Lelouch watches on in mild amusement as he observes his friend's best efforts to say something. This time though, Lelouch makes no move to steer the conversation forward. Besides, knowing Suzaku, there's probably only one thing left that he wished to know.  
  
"Lelouch..."  
  
Ah, here it comes. Should he be honest? Or should he spin another lie? Or maybe-  
  
"That day- At the shrine." The words that come out of his friend's mouth are disjointed and uttered in such a way that can only be described as desperate. "I _never_ intended on betraying you."  
  
Against his will, Lelouch feels his jaw slacken. He shouldn't even find this surprising. Given Suzaku's propensity for self loathing, of course he would jump at the chance to apologize. Or maybe, his friend saw it as his chance to fully amend things, before it's too late.  
  
Lelouch looks away and shrugs, flicking his hands out to complete the gesture. "Give me some credit, Suzaku. I figured by now that Schneizel had you followed without your knowledge. All he had to do then was wait for the right moment, when I would be at my most vulnerable, to make his move."  
  
"But-" Apparently, his dismissal of the whole ordeal doesn't sit right with his knight. "If I had taken your hand sooner that day-"  
  
"We're here now, aren't we? You know better than anyone that there's no use dwelling in what-ifs."  
  
"I know." It's back again, that look of longing and self loathing. How those two feelings can exist in the same expression will never cease to amaze him. "It's just that... if I had told you sooner, would things have ended up differently? Would we be able to be together, the three of us?"  
  
...This isn't just about the incident at the Kururugi shrine anymore.  
  
"Suzaku, in this world that we live in, it was never destined to happen."  
  
That summer... was merely a cruel taste of what could have been.  
  
Lelouch offers him a tiny smile. "All we can do now is give other people that opportunity, to live in the world that Euphy dreamed of."  
  
Perhaps, it is his own sense of longing, but Suzaku seemed to have closed the space between them somewhere during the course of their conversation. All Lelouch has to do now, is reach out and he'll be able to touch him.  
  
He doesn't.  
  
Instead, he lets the silence settle between them once more, and waits.  
  
"...Lelouch. I know I've asked you this before, but you never gave me a straight answer." Suzaku's head is still bowed, but Lelouch doesn't need to see his face to know what he's thinking. "Why do you order me to live?"  
  
The answers are on the tip of Lelouch's tongue. For the sake of the Zero Requiem. For the loved ones who never should have died. For Nunnally. Answers that, after running the numbers in his head, would be sufficient enough to satisfy Suzaku's curiosity.  
  
"I've stood in the way of your plans so many times. You could have easily commanded me to join your side, or to just back off, or even tell me to follow Zero like you did with Prince Schneizel. Yet out of all the orders you could have given me... you told me to live."  
  
As Suzaku curls up even further on himself, Lelouch is reminded of how deep his death wish truly is. He wonders, briefly, if he could have done anything to change this sentiment sooner. But they're here now, and for the sake of the world they planned to create, that was all that mattered. And yet...  
  
"Suzaku."  
  
His friend slowly looks up at the sound of his name and the face that greets Lelouch is nothing like the naive boy he once knew.

Lelouch smiles at him, but despite his best efforts it is far more telling that he would have liked. "I told you, didn't I? Geass is a wish."

 In that moment, whatever composure Suzaku had left crumbles. He closes what is left of the gap between them and, much to Lelouch's surprise, takes his hand in his own. His friend squeezes it once before pressing Lelouch's knuckles to his forehead, then whispers his name, almost like a prayer.

 

* * *

 

"You look happy."  
  
Lelouch doesn't bother glancing over when he hears his witch's voice. Instead, he focuses his gaze on the king piece he rolls between his fingers. A lazy smile spreads over his lips.  
  
"Of course. My plans have finally come into full fruition. All of this madness shall soon come to an end."  
  
He hears her sigh and feels her back press up against his own. "How dull. And here I thought you finally lost your virginity."  
  
He can't help but scoff. Out of all the things to speculate. Then again, he isn't very surprised. Lelouch reaches up and absentmindedly touches his bottom lip, smiling in spite of himself.  
  
"No. I've received something much greater than that."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it this far! Bookmarks, comments, and kudos are always appreciated~


End file.
